I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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