I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
