dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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