and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
