About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
