Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
