If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
