she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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