Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
