my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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