Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
