i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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