Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
