My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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