I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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