she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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