I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
