didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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