Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well you can't waste a boner
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
