he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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