have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
