having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
