I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
