Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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