Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
