Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
