Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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