At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
organizing the empties. That sober.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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