went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
