My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
