Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
