Someone shit on the floor
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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