I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
