yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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