I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
