New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
