...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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