U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
