There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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