yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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