Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
