half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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