this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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