i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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