Me. At least after what I've been through.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
