i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
