You're completely useless in the revolution.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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