It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
