On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
