Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
