you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
