Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
