Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
